Breathe, In, Out. Breathe, In, Out.

I did it! I was able to meditate for 20 whole minutes, twice this week. I say that like it's some sort of amazing accomplishment or something... but, it is. I'm actually not even sure I would call it meditating, more like... meditation practice?

I found a great website that I love. Wildmind Buddhist Meditation. I've done so much googling and visited so many sites, and this one is by far my favorite. I was looking for one that would explain, in great detail, the very basics. Especially posture, which is incredibly important. I also wanted one that had Mantras, along with correct pronunciation and meaning. I love Mantras.

People meditate in different ways. Some people do Zazen, which is basically just... sitting. Staring at a wall or something, letting whatever thoughts you have come and go. No chanting, no trying to clear your mind, just sitting. I see a validity in this, to an extent... but I don't think it's for me.

I want to give my mind something to do. I need to train my mind, so to speak. I like the idea of repeating something important, I think it will help clear my mind, learn to concentrate better, and so many Mantras have such great messages. I also love the Sanskrit language. I think I'd like to learn more.

So anyway, I find this website and I love it. I read every detail of correct posture and so on. They talk a bit about how some people have meditation rituals, turning off lights and lighting candles and then lighting incense. I also read some great things about incense, aromatherapy, etc... but, another day... I like this idea. Kind of like some people have rituals before going to bed, which can help with insomnia because you are telling your body "Ok, body... it's almost time for bed, you have to go to sleep soon," I think the same thing can help with meditation.

So, I light some incense, I turn off lights, I get my pillow to make a cushion for the floor, and it's on to stage 0. I sit for a for a few minutes just being aware of my body. Then, stage 1. I have to do this the first few times, apparently. No mantras yet. I just breathe in and out, like I normally would, but I try to just focus on my breathing, counting after each breath, to 10. Then I start over at 1. In, out, 1. In, out, 2. So on.

It's hard! My mind wanders, I get little pains and cramps, I worry about if my posture is right, I wonder how much longer I have to do this, I wonder If I'm doing it right...

I can only hope it gets easier. I feel like it's a huge plus that I am even doing it. I had some sort of mental, or emotional, block for a while, I think. Like I'm afraid to just sit alone with my own, unoccupied mind for 20 minutes.

Well... In other news, I chopped off all of my hair for Locks of Love... it's super short now, They had to take off 10 inches! I LOVE it.

 I also have plans to work on this blog a bit more. Add some photos and more information, links, find other blogs to connect with, etc.

Right now I feel as if I am writing only for me. That's ok too, though!